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American Cynic, Vol. I: (...with shame)

as i began writing this, the author of the article im about to critique was sitting two rows in front of me. well life is tough for her, but here we go. I will direct my subsequent comments to "Jason" when referring to the hypothetical editor or writer who may have written this headline. I will refer to "Tami" as the hypothetical writer who may have written this article. These names may or may not be purely hypothetical.

today's target is the front page headline of the latest Bagpipe edition, which reads "Men's Spirituality Receives Long Neglected Attention." That alone should be enough to make us familiar with Covenant laugh. So, "jason" are you really implying that men's spirituality is really neglected by those "in charge"? that's a sad thought at covenant college where Christ is supposed to be "pre-eminent." (no i dont understand the hyphen either, but its in there on all school mottos. dont ask why cuz you wont get an answer.) maybe you mean the men here simply arent spiritual enough? or "jason" is this your attempt to be the "liberal media" at covenant college by criticizing something that really isnt a problem? well let's take a brief look at the article and find out, shall we? o-kay!

The lead sentence reads, "This year an old opportunity for male spiritual growth is being revived." the next sentence gives a location of a camp where a men's retreat will be held hopefully to rejuvenate my spirituality as a covenant male. (i dont mean to make fun of this idea, just the tone of the article.) nothing really to answer our query thus far.

the next sentence is a real doozy, but doesnt help us. it reads, "The Covenant College Men's Retreat is expected to be a time when the men of the college can covenant as a community..." Whoa, "Tami," i like alliteration too, but 2 separate occasions where the alliterative letter is "c" in one sentence? jeez. and four consecutive words is really too much for one sentence. its at that point we start to sound too much like dr. seuss, whose writings were never to my knowledge published in a college level newspaper as informative reading. but we press on.

skip to what i think is supposed to be paragraph 4, but i cant tell since theres no indentation... do we really have an r.a. here named doug mcnutt? do they sell him at mcdonalds? can we invent a dance called the "dirty mcnutt?" please, someone, do it for me. you know where to reach me.

it's in this paragraph that we begin to find our answer, "{the} hope is that the retreat will serve as a catalyst to something that has been lacking in the men's ministry on campus for some time." ok so what is it that's lacking? next sentence; "{the retreat is not intended} to be an isolated mountaintop experience, but rather a time that has a lasting effect on the spiritual lives of men at Covenant." but "Tami" what is the intended "lasting effect?"

the next paragraph states that the Kaleo center is funding "this much needed event." i may not be the most spiritual person on campus, "tami," but i don't need you to point that out to me, thanks. i'll leave that to my pastor or my parents, at least someone who's not my "peer."

the article does go on to indicate that the director of the Kaleo center felt that "Biblical manhood" is often neglected at the expense of Biblical womanhood, but that doesn't explain "tami's" or "jason's" tone in the article/headline in my mind. they seem to say that because there hasn't been a men's retreat for sometime, that male spirituality at Covenant has been neglected all the while. thank you guys for my extra daily dose of Puritan self-loathing.